Trudging on

Vulnerability
can be a double-edged sword,
and here I am sitting
at this balance point,
realizing that sharing
too quickly can be damaging,
yet not sharing when time has passed
means certain types of stories
get buried.

I was supposed to write this yesterday, but here I am scribbling on,in my bed! Funny, well with one hand, there are things I have learned to do. With a right hand functional, I have to place the phone on the left side,I tried using a laptop and failed and accepted that it’s hard Starting with this year, I think Saturdays shall be good for a post.I don’t want to promise that I shall publish every Saturday, that is a resolution I won’t make. As a Marxist,a new year is just but another day, I have no time for resolutions, the only thing is to set a process through which you can achieve the desired results. James Clear in Atomic Habits said that
“Goals create an either-or conflict. Either you achieve your goals and are successful or you fail and are disappointed. Building systems to achieve those is better for progress.I am reminded of the new year resolution to cut weight by some large folks (it’s not politically correct to write fat). At the beginning of each year health clubs are beyond full capacity. Reason, new year resolutions. By March, only those mentally prepared stay the course. If your main focus is weight loss, you gonna get frustrated. It’s painfully slow, body pains etc. If it’s getting fit, and healthier, the benefits are almost immediate. Better heart rate, oxygen intake and mental focus. Weight loss is a much longer process, on occassions, you neither lose or even gain. It’s all about 30% frame of mind (you must want it so bad, that you feel terribly bad that you ain’t exercising! should you fail to), 20% exercise and more importantly food intake. The key takeaway is following and respecting the process. That can be painfully slow, to a man who is literally paralyzed and dumb, whose life’s dreams have come crashing. He only needs the grace to move on.

Last year ended on a high,We had the Afromeet, the Afrofam met at mine’s well because it was the easiest way to meet up with me. The challenge with a body paralysis is that you are in a full lockdown, simple things like taking a stroll are out of reach. Basically I am dependant on the caretakers for movement. Great buddies bring me books for reading and Patricia Opio dropped hers last year, now Trisha knows a thing about packaging because the package included a customized bookmark, this is only done by an author intentional about their work.

A Knight’s tale is a 2001 movie of a medieval peasant who had lost his boss and sought to attain a higher social standing. There is a conversation that stands out for me.

William: Oi sir, what are you doing?
Chaucer: Uh… trudging. You know, trudging? [pause] To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on.
William: Uhhh… were you robbed?
Chaucer: [laughs] Funny really, yes, but at the same time a huge resounding no. It’s more of an… involuntary vow of poverty… really.

This part of the conversation is in Patricia’s book and has so much relevance. This is the book you read and you wish to call up the Author and just listen to her because between each flawless paragraph, all you see is strength and bravery . A while ago, I recall a WhatsApp message from her asking me how I manage to push on and carry on? Now after reading her book, I can say that I am the little egg hatching into a beautiful thing. I’m trudging on because that’s the impulse to simply soldier on. I’m a firm believer in Murphy’s law. This states that,”anything meant to go wrong will go wrong”. I equally believe that life has no guarantees, we only have to be hopeful.

Trudging comes when you know where you are going, do I know, not with certainty. I just embraced my story and here we are, trudging on. A man must be able in his most trying of moments to say; “I do not understand this, but I accept it, and I must make the most of it.” A man must accept that life is for living with all its niceties and brutal sides. And out of this suffering, he must create peace. Once a man makes peace with himself and his God, a man is ready to go out into the world. Such a man has his fundamentals right. Nothing can ever take away from him. No death, no illness, no gain, no betrayal, he is a force to reckon. I don’t have that many goals,mine would be recovery, but this is a lifetime process. I don’t want to beat myself for failing to achieve that. What I wish for everyone is a great year ahead, May this life be kind to everyone and may we make the best of it. Ten years from now, you should be able to say that you chose your life and didn’t settle for it,it starts with setting the right processes, mindset change at achieving your goals