A letter to my ex

It must have a good friend GD and another who reminded me of you when they came to the rehabilitation center to check on me, “ka bebi kaliwa,singa kati kekakamula ko ka juice”(where’s she? she would be making you juice now). This got me thinking, would you have stayed with me in this episode?. Earlier on I realized that we were not meant to be, now don’t get me wrong, you are a good person and I will be fair. We all wanted different things in the relationship,I was envisioning a large study with books and more books.I envisioned a person from a strong bloodline to enlighten me and you were not the person. You on the other hand, were looking at marriage and raising kids which is not a bad thing. I’m a very organized person, lesser minds describe it as OCD. Lazy minds cannot comprehend that some people love organization and call it a disorder to hide behind their incompetence. We are in a world which describes orderliness as a disorder probably to feel good about themselves.

I was shocked when you didn’t know who,Wole Soyinka was! To you,”he must have been a minister in Nigeria” as you said.I was happy at least that you placed him in Nigeria. It gave me chills to know that you went through secondary school, and never chanced on Soyinka.Whereas marriage is about complimenting each other, you on the other hand would be taking a huge chunk away from me. You were not a reader basically and a plethora of other things.What conversation would we have at home?. Long before, when I had boyish frenzies, I loved engaging in pillow talk. You are the kind that would complain at the volume of pages in a book. All this happened without bothering to read it first. You always said that I didn’t have true love and my hope is that you found somebody better who’s as basic as you are. I am a Marxist and don’t believe in celebration of petty bourgeoisie reactionary days like Valentine’s day. I could not waste time buying you an ugly teddy bear or raising your sugar levels with chocolate.You loved expensive wigs and its amazing how you were putting it on an empty head. Science says that mothers determine the intelligence of children. Our children would go through the pain of having to accept that they are first from the bottom and that’s terrible. One would have to turn the academic list upside down to see our kids’ names because they would be rock bottom.

The reason why I didn’t Cohabbit is because I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Moreso, its because I am a Dambu Marechera student of loving humanity rather than actual human beings. The selfish me wanted things organised the way I left them. Now imagine that I got back and the shoes were not on a rack facing a particular direction, I found my current novel missing its bookmark because you carried it away, the toothpaste , pressed in the middle rather than the bottom. I wanted Aljazeera and you, Telemundo. Those are some of the things that made me abhor cohabitation, such things make the other take your space yet there is no legal binding!! So I will have my space and not allow anyone to suffocate it. For marriage,its a whole different story, its about sacrificing certain traits at the altar and getting another lifelong partner. You will forgive me, I have low tolerance for those who don’t match up with my standards and I am not about to lower them. I know not if it ended in tears for you. I actually went out with my boys to catch Formula one that night. I remember you complaining previously,”Mwene, those busmall cars take your time,why don’t they drive bigger cars”? I simply laughed because I couldn’t dignify your silly question with a reply. You complained that I didn’t have true love and said that you were going to find it.It ended maturely like I was praying and we went our ways. Let me paint this analogy of marriage.Let me state that I have nothing against you, you were too unsophisticated for me.

As an old man, I’ve met many divorced women who are so frustrated because they left their husbands in search of “True Love”. Only to get out there and all the men they meet just wanted to “hit and run”. Of course, it’s only fun for the first few months as they enjoy their new found “liberation” from their so-called boring husbands (he probably was an okay guy but just not thrilling or exciting enough to keep her continuously emotionally stimulated in this age of narcissism. If he was initially thrilling eventually she got used to it and began to crave for something fresh. Then it starts to occur to them that out there they’re being used for sex only and they begin to feel they need a man who’s more serious.

They quickly realize that the serious men are nowhere to be found. There are just rougues everywhere. Ofcourse, pride will not let her beg her husband for forgiveness and even if she did he would probably refuse after her just leaving like that reasoning that she wasn’t happy. Now that she’s been used and disappointed by players several times since leaving her husband she’s just on Facebook posting “I don’t need a man because I know I’m amazing”.

There are many other basic men who will likely accept you and you will become a booty call booth for that is the only thing that you can offer. I dare say you excited my loins but failed to excite the brain. This is where I say that I am sorry for not being sorry.

Now dear reader, this is not a one sided biased writing, I am an old man who’s better than rants. My love language is books and she had no respect for books.I have even penned my thoughts before on Facebook and thought she was capable of doing such. I believe that love is truth thus the letter, the Facebook post reasonated didn’t single her out but showed what was on my mind at the time.