Forgiveness is hard work

Forgiveness is a hard thing, its hard because we forget not and keep remembering, I for one believe in loving from a distance. I have overtime unlearned and relearned on forgiveness. I love using relationships because we all have been in one.

The thing about forgiveness is that it is not a feeling, it’s a commitment. Forgiveness demands commitment. When someone hurts you, and you take the decision to forgive them, you make a commitment to moving forward. This means that if you decide to cut that person out of your life, you commit to healing from the pain they caused you and then to moving on. But if you decide to still have that person in your life, you have to commit to not using the hurt they caused you as a constant reference in the present and in the future. If a person cheats on you and you’re unable to commit to forgiveness, then part ways with this person. But if you do decide to forgive the person, if you do commit to forgiveness, then you cannot, when you have disagreements about something, constantly remind them that they cheated. You cannot use the hurt they caused you to settle scores or to facilitate a culture of silence on their part.

The point I’m making here is this: forgive when you are truly ready to commit to it. Forgive when you are ready to rebuild. Forgive when you know you can sincerely move on from the hurt someone caused you. Unless you’re in this state, unless you can forgive truly, then you can’t have that person in your life. You must therefore forgive them but decide to care about them or even to love them from a distance. That too is okay, because forgiveness doesn’t always mean that someone must come back into your life. But if you decide that they should, then commit to forgiving them, because forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a commitment.


  1. tcndangana says:

    Forgiving someone is not a once-off thing. It is a process

  2. Onyinye Udeh says:

    I agree that forgiveness is a commitment.
    If you are not ready, you can’t take such a bold step.

  3. Clare says:

    We forgive, buts it’s foolhardy to think that we forget. We stop singing about the bad done against us, but we don’t celebrate it…and we remember it; sometimes wondering how naive we were! It’s a process of tearing and breaking!

  4. Aliza says:

    Must people acknowledge that they hurt you in order for you to decide to forgive, or is it something we do inspite of? I struggle in that area.

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