Dear Kaaka,

Hello maama how are you today, as I write this letter tomorrow on the 21st May,  you will make 15 years since you departed and went to heavens know where. I hate this month and can’t wait for it to end.  I hope Abraham’s chest was large to accomodate you, I hope you look down on me and say, “Rolash never changes” it was only you that used that name, it has since become extinct. Rolash was a name of publishing house and given your love for books you nicknamed me so. I now do not like the name Roland, I have gone traditional and only use it for official purposes. If it wasn’t out of respect for you, I would have sworn a deed poll changing the name but let me keep it, you gave it to me for a reason.
Perhaps many will wonder about the name Kaaka, in Swahili “kaka” is brother but then when you were growing up, your dad named you so I still remember him trying to explain it at your funeral ( I never got the explanation) when he broke down, dad had a pressure attack and Brenda broke down, I think I was the only one who was ‘strong’. I paced around, I cursed life,how was I going to exist in this huge world. I withdrew from the world, many actually don’t know that you are not around and will be surprised at this letter. I guess I became a super choleric, kept in my own world, I got the ability to always say so much yet so little about myself. My twitter bio reads, “An arvid reader, loves humanity more than humans”. Like Dambu  Marechera (one of my best writers) he is also gone and hope you are editing his manuscripts.
About the love for reading and news papers I am still good at that, I sometimes contribute opinions in dailies, the people I grew up reading about, I have met some of them and they have a considerable opinion of me. About the journal entries that you used to make me write, well I no longer do that. Last time I did that was while in my last undergraduate year  in a courseunit called Law &Christian Political Thought. I turned into a  pseudo-philosopher always  asking why things come to be.
Mom I hope you are reading this,you left me in a gaping hole that I try to jump out everyday. Like an ostrich I hide my head in the sand and  try to move on. A lot has since happened there have been new additions in the family. Brenda got married she has two kids now their names are hard to even write Birthia and Briella all cute beings. Justus also found his rib, and has two kids Sheldon and Sean, the other one God took away so I tell myself and hope you play with her.
Well then me Hehe its same old me, with time I will also walk down the aisle with my Abeba and live happily ever after( or so they say).
About prayers and devotion I will be honest, I read the Bible once in a while, I no longer pray as much as I used  to but I am a human striving towards righteousness.  You gave me life but Jesus gave me hope.
What else, I have so much to say but I will serialise my posts to continue updating you. You know May is a funny month its when Mother’s day is celebrated and it is when I celebrate your life. Thank you for being the hero in my life, atleast I can say that I still hold the principles you imparted in me. I have weaknesses though, sometimes I am too cynical and my sense of humour is misunderstood. I guess its only you that used to understand my euphenism with words and my sense of dark humour.
It is approaching 1:30am (did I tell you that I am a late sleeper yet early riser?) There was a life changing incident in 2013 December, the day Madiba Lion of Qunu went to be with the lord, I had posted a review of the movie, “A long walk to Freedom” starring Idris Elba . I posted on my facebook timeline about how there are no individual heroes, fate being the great joker Madiba slept that night and I never slept that night, I woke up and replayed the audio book of his autobiography and felt really stupid, you see he used to always acknowledge others and their contributions. That experience taught me to read more and write less. Guess thats why for 15 years I have only found the courage to write now…..(to be continued)

18 Comments

  1. I have never read a story like this one.
    You are such an amazing writer.
    You got my emotions stired up and the best I could do as I read the story was cry I just couldn’t help it.
    May her soul rest in peace.

  2. This is a heartfelt piece. For years I have wondered who inspired you to be the person you are. And today a window has been opened.
    This just stirred something in my heart
    May she continue to rest in paradise

  3. Yongyera, this is touching most of all to those of us who get into a bad place during May (Mothers’ day and all). I know she is proud of who you have become.

  4. The world is a place where alot of things happen, some are seen, others heard, some go unnoticed for years or even forever but something written doesnt follow the later trend it stays; in writting in people’s minds and hearts and be sure that this piece will: Thank you for the revelation and RIP to Kaaka

  5. This is a touching narrative.
    marvellous story-teller.

    good mother.

    somewhere u say u stopped writing the journals.was it caused by the learning of philosophy? they seem close to each other and one one birthing the former.

    u go on to say u have kept the principles she taught u. not entirely. u dumped the journal.

    all in all. u r a rare thing the world has got. I sometimes wonder how u know what u know. and your ability to express it.

    I think Kaaka is not disappointed after all. she must be a proud mommy.

  6. This is a very nice write-up I must say my brother. Even when time has not been my best ally lately, but today I said I must read Cromwell’s piece. This was worth my immediate reading I must say. That’s why I’m proud of you Mr. Secretary.

  7. Beautiful. Surely time heals and creates the nest of us. In 15 years and She still stands tall proud of you Rolash. Awesome piece. #May #mothers’month

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